Change sentence structure for the benefit of your rhyme scheme


Along the winding paths we slowly walked,
And all the while we chatted, spoke and talked.
‘So short is life,’ you made the valid point,
Although the statement’s structure you disjoint(ed).
And strong though was the bond of comradeship,
But help I couldn’t to cruelly up you trip.

13 comments:

  1. YES!
    whenever i write a poem, i always feel like doing this. (:

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  2. Hoping to read much more of this up-and-coming poet!

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  3. Tell a poet he's doing it wrong and he'll claim "poetic license". This annoys me, mainly because I've applied for my own poetic license on no less than three occasions, and have been turned down every time.

    I tell you, it's harder and harder to become a licensed poet these days.

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  4. SNORT!! I shall have had to up them trip my colleagues. Or family. Or somebody.

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  5. You write badly so very well
    You could be Poet Laureate in Hell!

    Thanks for the laugh.

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  6. Oh, brilliantly done!

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  7. Wonderful stuff. Thanks for the giggle.

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  8. Hymns are fantastic for this, in particular the 23rd Psalm.

    "The Lord's my shepherd, I'll not want
    He makes me down to lie
    In pastures green, he leadeth me
    The quiet waters by."

    "He makes me down to lie"! Genius.

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  9. Anonymous, I don't know what translation of Psalm 23 that is, but it's brilliant. "He leadeth me / the quiet waters by" – is this the bible according to Yoda?

    Life can be tough for translators, particularly if they're determined to make poetry rhyme no matter what.

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  10. *uncloaking*

    Joel, it's not so much a different translation as the King James one hacked about to fit a hymn tune: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HndQZlmJPpc

    I've just remembered that a later verse reaches even greater heights:

    "My soul He doth restore again;
    And me to walk doth make [!!!]
    Within the paths of righteousness,
    Even for His own Name's sake."

    Martin
    *backtowork*

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  11. It's from the Scottish Metrical Psalter of 1650, and in fairness one ought to remember that the syntax of English was somewhat freer then. When Hamlet asks 'Who would fardels bear ...?' it's no fairer to blame Shakespeare for his syntax (he means 'who would bear fardels?') than for his using the word 'fardels', not a common word for 'bundles' in the modern day. The problem is not with writers of early modern English so much as with people who've read a little of it and don't understand that (i) the words are in a funny order because it's old, not because it's verse and (ii) not any old funny order will do.

    By the way, thank you for this splendid post and glorious blog.

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