Select words for their impressiveness rather than their relevance


As it was after eight of the clock and I was in a particularly ecbatic frame of psyche, I decided to oscillate by the publican’s place of business and masticate the rind for a short sojourn. Swinging open the door dyspeptically, I offered my hearty felicities to the barkeep.
‘Is it not an octamerous day outside?’ I proffered. ‘The firmament is tetravalent with hodometry and the avian population is positively miasmic in its pulchritude.’
‘Oh Christ,’ vociferated the proprietor sacrilegiously. ‘It’s you again.’

17 comments:

  1. reminds me of grade eight composition class after we were introduced to the thesaurus...thanks for the morning chuckle!

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  2. I bet every french reader out there will have recognized M. Barbery and her goddamned "Elegance of the Hedgehog"..

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  3. Reminds me of the "Cheese Shop" Monty Python Sketch.

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  4. I actually feel quite ignorant now.

    LOL!

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  5. I was tempted to send this post to one of the Assistant Superintendents of our school district who is notorious for writing stuff like this using SAT words. She thinks we should be speaking this way in the classroom in order to model the words for the students. It's bad enough having to read stuff like this when my students write it. I refuse to constantly speak this way:).

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  6. Shouldn't that be 'felicitations' rather than 'felicities'?

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  7. That was prodigious. Multiple gratitudes.

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  8. Is it sad that I really enjoyed the phrase "masticate the rind"?

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  9. @Neale: Not at all. I plan to work it into daily conversation from now on.

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  10. My dictionary doesn't have hodometry...

    thank you for enriching my vocabulary.

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  11. Are you channeling Dean Koontz?

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  12. "My dictionary doesn't have hodometry..."

    I believe it's the practice of measuring the length of a ship's voyage. I can't imagine it will come up that much in casual conversation now you've learnt it. Unless, of course, you deliberately guide every conversation towards nautical navigation.

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  13. Hodometry and odometer, the distance-measuring gadget in your car, are close relatives: the original Greek word was "hodos", but the h-sound was dropped on its way through French.

    That said, hodometry doesn't actually appear in the OED, though hodograph, hodometrical, and hodoscope do. As does hodymoke, which has absolutely nothing to do with the above. It's found exactly once in the known history of English, in a 1450 instruction manual for parish priests: "Hide it not in hodymoke, let other(s) more read this book" (spelling modernized). Nobody has a clue what hodymoke means specifically, though the general import is clear: don't keep this under wraps, spread the word, brother, spread the word.

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  14. When I comprehended this post, I guffawed my posterior region off! It’s mirthful, awe-inspiring, and exquisitely devised. I am enamored with your exposé!

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  15. Never utilize diminutive terminology when polysyllabic verbiage will suffice.

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